He is good

Things have been a little crazy around here of late. Ever since Scott came home from Korea, work has been chaotic and he's been coming home most often at least an hour late. There are a lot of little things (little, but important things) that he needs to get done, but hasn't been able to because of his work environment. Not only that, but the car we just bought already broke down, and Scott has tried so hard to fix it, but it refuses to run, and our good car has a leak in one of the tires. We've already canceled the trip to Chicken, although we may still go camp maybe one night at a campground close to us. I've been feeling very frustrated at all this. I don't want to use this blog to complain about problems which is why I didn't post this before, but I had a revelation just now that I felt must be shared.

Could it be that God is trying to tell me something through these frustrations? I feel so helpless right now. I can't do the things that need to get done, I can't even do things that I need to get done (like grocery shopping...food is getting rather scarce in this household). God I believe just showed me that I need to learn to rely on HIM. It's amazing how easy it is to forget. We get so wrapped up in our lives, and take for granted all the many blessings He's given us, and feel like we always have to have it all together. I struggle a lot with wanting everything to be perfect and trying to achieve that. But it suddenly occurred to me as I was washing the dishes that above all, I need to be relying on God. I can do nothing apart from Him. My spiritual walk hasn't been the greatest lately, I've been reading my Bible and reading a book that is slowly helping me get rid of some confusion I've had, but I'm not to a point yet where I am completely on fire for God and think about Him all the time. I want very much to have that and yet I want my own life to be impeccable. I am certain now that I can't have both. And I think I can be content with that.

Father, forgive me for not relying on You as I should.

Praise God for trials and for His goodness!

Summer day in Alaska

Well, it's close to the end of June now, and it is currently cloudy and looking as though it is going to rain... again. It's been like this all month. I really don't mind though, reminds me of Washington. Also, being 8 months pregnant makes it very unpleasant when the sun IS shining and it's 85 degrees out. With no AC. Thankfully, our house really doesn't even need AC, there are trees all around, it is well insulated, and the windows are strategically placed in a way that they let the light in without letting too much heat in. It stays nice and cool in here. But we have no AC in our car at the moment, so bring on the rain. And now I'm babbling.

I haven't posted since before we moved, so here are some highlights of this month:

~We found a duplex, and moved in at the end of May. It is a wonderful house, I am so thankful for it.

~Scott went to Korea for about 10 days the week after we moved. I definitely did not enjoy my first taste of separation after marriage. We were hardly even able to talk on the phone for even 3 minutes at a time. But, we got through it, and now I have an idea of what it'll be like when he gets deployed. *gulp*.

~We celebrated our first anniversary this weekend, on June 25th. Scott took me to this really expensive restaurant...the food was wonderful. (It better have been for that price. :P)

~Mom sent me a book by Watchman Nee called "The Normal Christian Life." I've been slowly reading it, trying to digest everything. It's an excellent book, it's clearing up a lot of confusion I've had before when it comes to my own walk with Christ.

~I am now done with Dr. appointments at the clinic on Eielson, I will now be going to the actual hospital where I will be giving birth. And I only have about three more appointments, every other week, before the baby gets here (Lord willing.) Oh, I hope he comes soon. I am really running out of room in there. I can't breathe anymore. And I can't get comfortable at night, so I don't get good sleep either. (Like I will ever get good sleep again for the next 20 years or so.)

~This next weekend, we are planning on taking a camping trip out to this remote area in Alaska called Chicken. Why? When we discovered there was a little town (population: 17) in Alaska called Chicken, Scott decided we could not move away from Alaska without having been there. So we figured we'd just knock that trip out over the Fourth of July weekend. Which is fine, fireworks out here are rather lame. On the Fourth, the sun is out all night long, and it's not very interesting lighting fireworks that you can't even really see because it's too light out. And on New Year's, it is WAY too cold to stand outside for very long at all, so fireworks aren't very fun then, either. Guess we'll have to wait until the next place we PCS.

~I'm slowly figuring my camera out. I really enjoy it. So I'm posting some pictures below of some recent ones I took. Feedback, anyone?

Pretty little flowers I found out near Beaver Lake

I really like all the birch trees in AK

My wedding rings

And a baby bump picture. This is me at 31 weeks pregnant. Guess it's somewhat outdated as I am now almost 35 weeks along. Ah well, perhaps more to come later, and I'm not really much bigger now than I was in this picture.  

And that's about it for now. I hope everyone is having a fantastic week!

Good things

James 1:17

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.

Yesterday was busy and full with preparing for a folk dance. Then in the evening we danced. I was spun around, nearly fell over a dozen times, laughed quite often, and I've been a little achy all day. Truly signs of a good folk dance.

Today we got up and out the door much to early for a Saturday and watched the Armed Forces Day parade. But it was well worth it. After the parade was lunch and then off to shopping with my sister. So after being away from the house for nearly 11 hours with a brief stop over at home I was glad to get home and listen to a bedtime story.

My family is reading through 100 Cupboards by N. D. Wilson. We are VERY behind in just reading it, but it's a great book so far. It has fantastic characters and is so fun to listen to.

It's now very late so I will stop writing. There is much more I could write about - game night at my parents; weekends away with the in-laws; trips to Seattle with my Hubby.

This whole trip has been one good thing after another.

Grey ocean.

Oh I do LOVE being back in the Pacific Northwest! The rain and drizzle.
The smell of coffee every half block in the city.
The deep green of evergreens.
I think grey skies run through my veins.

It's been a while

I'm not even sure where to start, it's been such a long time since I posted. So much is going on right now, but I love it. I enjoy it when life gets busy, but not so busy it's stressful. My piano students are all PCSing (for those of you who are non-military, that means "Permanent Change of Station" - moving.) So now I only have two left, and they will be leaving soon, too. This scares me a little, just because it means I will make no more money, but it's a blessing as well, because now I will have some time to prepare for the baby. God is good. I think I will just put the rest of what's happening these days in list format, not in any particular sort of order. (I'll try to be chronological.)

~ I'm up to running a full mile or a bit over about twice a week now. Soon I will be attempting it three times a week. And I'm hitting my seventh month of pregnancy. This is GREAT! My only problem is, I have a terribly hard time getting myself to get out there and actually do it. Here's a conversation in my head from this past week: "Oh man. I really don't want to." "But...but you keep saying you WILL! Don't cop out on me now..." "But it's still kinda cold outside, and my running clothes are dirty and..." "Oh for goodness sake! Your running clothes will be dirty and sweaty ANYWAY by the time you're done, what's the difference?" "Well, ok. Maybe I'll just take a long WALK today." "Yeah, there you go! Put on your running clothes, grab your mp3 player, and pretend you're going to take a walk."
...And on it goes. I seriously have to psyche myself out to get outside and go. I've taken to just pretending I won't really run, but then of course I do once I'm all geared up and warmed up. It works for now.

~We paid off our entire car loan and are now officially debt free! Hurray! No more loans ever again.

~ Scott's sister, Hannah, came out to Alaska to visit last month, and we had a lot of fun. We "kidnapped" her and took her to Anchorage, which is about 8 hours away. We'd been planning this for MONTHS. Someone accidentally gave it away at church to her, but she had no idea what day we were going, and was duly surprised when we told her we were going to Fairbanks to take pictures, and ended up being in the car for 8 hours. And on this trip, Scott surprised ME too...

~...with a Canon Rebel T2i!!! I've been wanting this camera for a very long time. We stopped at a turn out along the road where there was some pretty scenery to take pictures. I started to get out of the car, and Scott said, "You don't have your camera." Confused, I showed him the little bag dangling from my hand where my old camera was and replied, "Yes I do." To which he responded, "No, you don't." I pretty much shoved the bag in his face (politely of course) and said, "Yeah I do, it's right here." He shook his head, and pulled out a much bigger camera case and told me, "Now you do." Completely shocked, I opened the bag to find this wonderful camera. I couldn't actually believe it at first. I was stunned. It's an amazing camera and I'm learning a lot about it. So exciting. Hopefully I'll be able to figure out how to post pictures in this blog. Scott had been running two "cons" as he calls them, keeping the camera secret from me and the Anchorage secret from Hannah, and Hannah and I were in on both secrets from each other. She helped him with the camera, and I helped him with the Anchorage planning. Scott says it's very hard to do this. I think he deserves a medal or something. :)

First scenery picture taken with my MARVELOUS camera. Ok, it's not really an amazing shot, but it's the first so I'm posting it anyway. 

~We are moving out of our apartment May 31st. The slight problem is that we don't have a place to move TO yet. We're looking at a couple of duplexes (two different ones) today in our search for a new home. I've really liked this little apartment, we've lived here for a year, and even though it's small (which we don't mind) it has a nice, open floor plan, huge windows overlooking a beautiful lake, two decent sized rooms, and everything else we could need. But it is not suitable for a baby, so alas, we must settle somewhere else. I will miss our first home as newlyweds, but it will be for the best. For one thing, we won't have to deal with coin-op washers and dyers anymore, we'll have our own. (To me, that's an essential for a having a baby around, everything is so expensive up here, including coin-op laundry.) This apartment is also an upstairs unit, and I'm not comfortable with the idea of having to lug a baby, a diaper bag, my purse, etc. up and down stairs every time I enter or leave the apartment. There's an accident waiting to happen. Also, being a family of musicians, we have no room for both a baby and for our seemingly hundreds of instruments, plus all our recreational equipment such as bikes, gun target, rock climbing gear, board games, sewing machine and craft supplies, etc. And another important reason: the walls in this apartment are SO thin, we can hear the neighbors do EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. (*coughgotothebathroomcough*) and I'm afraid if the baby likes screaming at 2:00 am every morning we're going to keep the poor neighbors awake all the time. I'm rather hopeful about the duplexes we're looking at today. They're not a house like we were hoping for, but they are both separated by the garages so we're certain we won't be a bother to the neighbors.

~I just finished my very first crochet project, a hat! I'm so excited I actually finished something. Next thing I'm going to do: an afghan. Bring it on!

This is my hat. I am happy. :D

~And of course I have to mention progress with the little one. I am now 27 weeks along and very excited. The baby lately has been kicking me so hard it actually HURTS... I had no idea he could do that. He likes kicking my bladder too, so I have lots of moments, particularly in the evening, where I get startled a lot. It's rather comical. I can hardly WAIT to see him, feel him, smell him (is that weird?), hold him in my arms instead of my stomach. I am so much looking forward to seeing his personality develop, and enjoying every stage of his babyhood. I know that it will be hard, and that there will be tears as well, but I will take the bad with the amazing good. My prayer for this little one is always first and foremost that he come to passionately know, love, and serve our incredible Saviour.

~There's lots more, but I'll leave with this one last thing. But it's definitely not the least. In fact, I saved it for last because I think it is the most wonderful thing that's happened all year. My brother, who is about a year younger than I, and who has gone through a lot of agony and rebellion all these years, has just recently accepted Christ as his Lord. This happened about a month ago, but I am still so excited I could dance around the house! We've all been praying for this to happen for years. Since I got married and moved away, we've actually developed a pretty good relationship, but now it's even BETTER because he is not only my blood brother, but he is also my forever brother in Christ as well. And I love him. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

And now I will end here, before this gets to be a mile long. :)

Bittersweet

Definition of BITTERSWEET

1: being at once bitter and sweet; especially : pleasant but including or marked by elements of suffering or regret.

As our last few days on Hawaii are dwindling I've use the word bittersweet in my thoughts a lot lately. The very sweet part of this move is the month of leave spent at home. I look forward to seeing lots of family and friends - to catch up in person with those whom I love. The bitter part is more obvious: leaving a place that has been home for the last three years. Now while I am sad to leave this place with all the beauty that God made (at least one more drive on H-3!), the water, plant life, and funny creatures won't be what I miss most. It will be the people. This is our first move from a place that wasn't home. I may never see the people here again this side of glory.

There is something about being far away from immediate family that makes you seek out others to be family. The phrase “church family” means so much more than before. These are the people who brought meals when my children were born, babysat for all kinds of reasons, helped me seek after good through Bible studies, play games and talked longer than we meant to, and generally loved and cared for my family. I am sad to leave them.

I give God all praise for the people He has brought into my life to help me grow. I praise Him for the many blessings I have experienced while here in Hawaii. I praise Him for his wisdom in our move, for His plan for our house and our stuff that is in transit. I praise Him because He knows who will help me grow, who my husband will work with, who our kids' friends will be, and what church we will attend. I praise Him even though I'm currently sad and I remind myself that His plan is better than any thing I think I want.

My heart sings!

Little things that have made my heart sing in the last week:

• Smiles and coos from Violet.
• Nate showing up home for dinner and telling me he doesn't have to go back into work.
• Daisy helping her baby (doll) go potty.
• Daisy gently wiping Violets face with a “burp.” (That's what she calls burp rags)
• Nate doing the dishes.
• Nate getting up with the girls in the morning so I could get much needed rest.
• The funny faces Daisy makes when trying to waggle her eyebrows.
• Daisy calling Violet “Baby Girl” with the greatest affection... ...and then later calling Nate “Daddy Girl” in the exact same way.

Those are the ones I can remember but I know there are more for I am greatly blessed.

What I've been up to.

I recently had a baby. She is just over two months old. We are coming out of a fog of sleepless nights, endless laundry and being sick. Daisy now has a sister Violet (AKA "Wowie"). I am now a mother of sisters :D

Daisy likes "her baby." I can tell she is more emotional, and that things hard for her to understand. But she is more helpful. She is more aware of others' feelings (the concern on her face when Violet cries is very sweet). She has already grown because of her sister.

Violet is different. She is not just a copy of her sister. She looked very much like Daisy in newborn pictures, but at two months she is already looking very different. She has smiled from day one and laughs in her sleep. She loves to be snuggled and swaddled. I am so excited to get to know her as she grows.

So here's to sisters. To being able to communicate with a single look. To watching little ones grow together. To my sisters, whether by blood, marriage, or friendship. I love you and may the Lord keep you!

Sunshine!

Life is so good right now. Spring has finally come to Alaska! The temperatures have been getting up to the mid 30's (yes, that is WARM up here.), the snow is melting slowly but surely, the sun is out 12 hours a day now, and the roads are clearing a bit more every day.

A while back I went to Virginia for a couple weeks to visit my family, and wasn't really looking forward to coming back home, since I was leaving warm air and ice-free roads for what I had left: -40 degree temperatures, snow, clouds, and darkness. But during those two weeks I was gone, Alaska changed drastically. I came home to this weather, and it's getting better every week. This is making me want to go out and get clothing with bright colors and grow flowers in our windowsill and do things outside every possible chance I get. I have never in my life been so excited about spring and summer coming.

On top of all that, the nausea seems to have finally left me! After 4 and a half months of getting sick every...single...morning (and often multiple times a day!), and feeling very nauseated all day and night long, it is a huge relief to feel almost normal again. Almost. For now, changes are happening in my body that I've never experienced before. Some of it is very strange, some things frustrating, and much of it makes me smile at random moments throughout the day. I felt good enough last week to take a mile long run, but today I tried it and had a lot of discomfort that prevented me from running. I walked a mile and a half at least, hopefully I can try again and succeed later on this week. I felt the first little kicks while I was in Virginia, and every week they've been getting stronger. Sometimes now I can watch my stomach and see little ripples and bumps where the baby is kicking or moving around. This is all very strange, but thrilling at the same time. I can hardly wait to hold our baby in my arms and see him for the first time.

And yes, it is a "him." We wanted to wait until the baby was born to find out what gender he was going to be, but when we had the 20 week ultrasound, it was so blatantly obvious what the baby was, we couldn't really help but know. And then we figured it would be ridiculous to keep it a secret when we knew what he was. Still keeping his name a secret until he's born though. ;) I'm sort of disappointed that we won't be surprised, since we'd both always imagined it'd be that way, but at the same time, it's fun to know so we can better prepare for him.

Anyway, that's a very brief update on my life at the moment. I can't make it longer though, due to this ridiculous "to-do" list. Just for fun, I'm posting it.


To Do:

Go to bank for quarters
Write Rachel
Write Grandad
Write Grandma and Pappy
Put laundry on
Take a shower
Sweep kitchen/bathroom
Mop
Vacuum
Load dishes

Start dishwasher

Tidy up clutter
Change bedding
Fold laundry
Unload dishes
Clean the bathroom
Figure out what to make for supper
Wash bedding/throw blankets/towels - if there's time and quarters left after clothing has been washed
Piano lessons: two students today

One of those days

Wow, it's been a while since I last posted something. We have internet again now, so perhaps posts will hitherto be more in the making. (I want to use fancy words today.) I'm not even sure what to write. Or rather, I'm not sure where to begin. There are many things running through my mind now. I suppose the very first thing that monopolizes my thoughts is: will the nausea EVER end? According to the ultrasound, I am 13 weeks along today. Granted, I am having MORE better days than I've had in previous weeks, but it feels like it's never going to go away. Last night was awful where this was concerned, and I've been more than usually nauseated all day today. I'm tired of food. I'm tired of thinking about food, smelling food, eating food, planning food, lugging food around. Unfortunately, it's either eat food or be even more nauseated all day. I'm trying to remember I'm going through all this for our baby, but it's hard to keep that focus sometimes. *sigh*. Lord, help.

Also in my thoughts a lot: how do you follow in Jesus' footsteps when someone is taking advantage of you in a very frustrating way? Involving money? I know the Bible calls us to be "wise as serpents, and harmless as doves" but when does this apply? Should I use the world's common sense and stop letting this person take advantage of me like this? Or should I cancel all debt owed me, and let it go? I've been patient with this for the most part, trying to be understanding and compassionate towards this person, but part of me knows this person is perfectly capable of doing what he/she needs to be doing, which is what makes me ask all these questions. This is all so very frustrating.

On to brighter things, I believe I have found a Bible study! I've been struggling a lot lately, church does not really feed or lead me spiritually, and I'm starting to feel very lost and alone in my walk. Especially now as I go through a rather dry phase, and I'm not exactly sure how to get close to God again. But I told a friend about it, and she invited me to go with her to a women's Bible study on Ft. Wainwright, it was an immense encouragement, not only for the study itself, but I was surrounded by a group of women who were closer to my age and are in my situation as well. I felt like I belonged there. So, I'm very excited to dive into that. I'm hoping to make some friends, but I'm going to have to get over the wall I keep putting up. Being military wives, it seems every time I make a friend, that friend moves away within 6 months or so. I find myself trying to avoid talking to people and make friends if I know they're leaving soon. I suppose that's not very Biblical. So I will get self out of the way and reach out to others without thought to what it may cost me.


Anyway, there's another random post for you, from me. It seems like my brain has a sort of fog around it, I am tired and I don't really care right now whether or not my grammar is correct, or whether my sentences even flow together smoothly. Hopefully some of it makes sense to those of you bored enough to read it. I hope the rest of you have a wonderful weekend!

Here in the quiet I sit. It's New Years Eve. We spent the evening with friends celebrating the year gone by. Now Daisy is asleep in bed. I can faintly hear the fire works from the city. The AC kicks on every now and then with a deep rumble on the edge of hearing. The click clack of my keyboard is keeping me company tonight as I think through the last year.

We had many exciting things happen this year. We are blessed with a new member of our family who has yet to make an appearance. We hope to see and hold our little one in the next few weeks. I was able to celebrate in AK with Scott and Erin as they were married. Daisy turned one at the beginning of the year and has grown leaps and bounds and is nearly two. Daisy and I spent most of the summer in WA with family.

We had sad things too. Nate was deployed for four months this year. While a good time for growing it was not fun to be apart. We have had friends and family who faced sickness. I was sick while pregnant with uncertainty of how it would affect the baby.

But here in the quiet I am reminded that my life is in Gods hands. He directs my steps. And I choose in my heart to say that what God has for me is best. This year has been His plan for my life. I pray that next year I am more diligent to seek and know His will and then trust in His plan.

With our little one on the way anytime now and the uncertainly of a move in May that could take us anywhere I remind my heart to be still. To listen in the quiet for God's plan. To be a person like Job, who after losing most of his wealth and all of his children responded in this way:

Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said:

“ Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked shall I return there.
The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the LORD.”
In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.

Job 1:20-22