One of those days

Wow, it's been a while since I last posted something. We have internet again now, so perhaps posts will hitherto be more in the making. (I want to use fancy words today.) I'm not even sure what to write. Or rather, I'm not sure where to begin. There are many things running through my mind now. I suppose the very first thing that monopolizes my thoughts is: will the nausea EVER end? According to the ultrasound, I am 13 weeks along today. Granted, I am having MORE better days than I've had in previous weeks, but it feels like it's never going to go away. Last night was awful where this was concerned, and I've been more than usually nauseated all day today. I'm tired of food. I'm tired of thinking about food, smelling food, eating food, planning food, lugging food around. Unfortunately, it's either eat food or be even more nauseated all day. I'm trying to remember I'm going through all this for our baby, but it's hard to keep that focus sometimes. *sigh*. Lord, help.

Also in my thoughts a lot: how do you follow in Jesus' footsteps when someone is taking advantage of you in a very frustrating way? Involving money? I know the Bible calls us to be "wise as serpents, and harmless as doves" but when does this apply? Should I use the world's common sense and stop letting this person take advantage of me like this? Or should I cancel all debt owed me, and let it go? I've been patient with this for the most part, trying to be understanding and compassionate towards this person, but part of me knows this person is perfectly capable of doing what he/she needs to be doing, which is what makes me ask all these questions. This is all so very frustrating.

On to brighter things, I believe I have found a Bible study! I've been struggling a lot lately, church does not really feed or lead me spiritually, and I'm starting to feel very lost and alone in my walk. Especially now as I go through a rather dry phase, and I'm not exactly sure how to get close to God again. But I told a friend about it, and she invited me to go with her to a women's Bible study on Ft. Wainwright, it was an immense encouragement, not only for the study itself, but I was surrounded by a group of women who were closer to my age and are in my situation as well. I felt like I belonged there. So, I'm very excited to dive into that. I'm hoping to make some friends, but I'm going to have to get over the wall I keep putting up. Being military wives, it seems every time I make a friend, that friend moves away within 6 months or so. I find myself trying to avoid talking to people and make friends if I know they're leaving soon. I suppose that's not very Biblical. So I will get self out of the way and reach out to others without thought to what it may cost me.


Anyway, there's another random post for you, from me. It seems like my brain has a sort of fog around it, I am tired and I don't really care right now whether or not my grammar is correct, or whether my sentences even flow together smoothly. Hopefully some of it makes sense to those of you bored enough to read it. I hope the rest of you have a wonderful weekend!

Here in the quiet I sit. It's New Years Eve. We spent the evening with friends celebrating the year gone by. Now Daisy is asleep in bed. I can faintly hear the fire works from the city. The AC kicks on every now and then with a deep rumble on the edge of hearing. The click clack of my keyboard is keeping me company tonight as I think through the last year.

We had many exciting things happen this year. We are blessed with a new member of our family who has yet to make an appearance. We hope to see and hold our little one in the next few weeks. I was able to celebrate in AK with Scott and Erin as they were married. Daisy turned one at the beginning of the year and has grown leaps and bounds and is nearly two. Daisy and I spent most of the summer in WA with family.

We had sad things too. Nate was deployed for four months this year. While a good time for growing it was not fun to be apart. We have had friends and family who faced sickness. I was sick while pregnant with uncertainty of how it would affect the baby.

But here in the quiet I am reminded that my life is in Gods hands. He directs my steps. And I choose in my heart to say that what God has for me is best. This year has been His plan for my life. I pray that next year I am more diligent to seek and know His will and then trust in His plan.

With our little one on the way anytime now and the uncertainly of a move in May that could take us anywhere I remind my heart to be still. To listen in the quiet for God's plan. To be a person like Job, who after losing most of his wealth and all of his children responded in this way:

Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said:

“ Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked shall I return there.
The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the LORD.”
In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.

Job 1:20-22