Wow, it's been a while since I last posted something. We have internet again now, so perhaps posts will hitherto be more in the making. (I want to use fancy words today.) I'm not even sure what to write. Or rather, I'm not sure where to begin. There are many things running through my mind now. I suppose the very first thing that monopolizes my thoughts is: will the nausea EVER end? According to the ultrasound, I am 13 weeks along today. Granted, I am having MORE better days than I've had in previous weeks, but it feels like it's never going to go away. Last night was awful where this was concerned, and I've been more than usually nauseated all day today. I'm tired of food. I'm tired of thinking about food, smelling food, eating food, planning food, lugging food around. Unfortunately, it's either eat food or be even more nauseated all day. I'm trying to remember I'm going through all this for our baby, but it's hard to keep that focus sometimes. *sigh*. Lord, help.
Also in my thoughts a lot: how do you follow in Jesus' footsteps when someone is taking advantage of you in a very frustrating way? Involving money? I know the Bible calls us to be "wise as serpents, and harmless as doves" but when does this apply? Should I use the world's common sense and stop letting this person take advantage of me like this? Or should I cancel all debt owed me, and let it go? I've been patient with this for the most part, trying to be understanding and compassionate towards this person, but part of me knows this person is perfectly capable of doing what he/she needs to be doing, which is what makes me ask all these questions. This is all so very frustrating.
On to brighter things, I believe I have found a Bible study! I've been struggling a lot lately, church does not really feed or lead me spiritually, and I'm starting to feel very lost and alone in my walk. Especially now as I go through a rather dry phase, and I'm not exactly sure how to get close to God again. But I told a friend about it, and she invited me to go with her to a women's Bible study on Ft. Wainwright, it was an immense encouragement, not only for the study itself, but I was surrounded by a group of women who were closer to my age and are in my situation as well. I felt like I belonged there. So, I'm very excited to dive into that. I'm hoping to make some friends, but I'm going to have to get over the wall I keep putting up. Being military wives, it seems every time I make a friend, that friend moves away within 6 months or so. I find myself trying to avoid talking to people and make friends if I know they're leaving soon. I suppose that's not very Biblical. So I will get self out of the way and reach out to others without thought to what it may cost me.
Anyway, there's another random post for you, from me. It seems like my brain has a sort of fog around it, I am tired and I don't really care right now whether or not my grammar is correct, or whether my sentences even flow together smoothly. Hopefully some of it makes sense to those of you bored enough to read it. I hope the rest of you have a wonderful weekend!
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